The beginning of my third mission experience is Cotzal is
upon me. I write this from my quiet new home at the edge of town, looking out at
the rugged green terrain; the cemetery lies just a stone’s throw away. How did I get here? I don’t know why the Lord has brought me back
here a third time, I only need to walk by faith and trust that I am here for a
reason.
A man’s steps are from the Lord, how then can
a man understand his own way? (Proverbs 20:24)
My first mission experience in Cotzal happened only two
years ago, but it feels like a lifetime ago.
Nobody in the town knew I was, except that I was a strange, tall
Gringo. I was a very different person
then, a little more insecure with a great desire to be liked by the others. I stayed in Nebaj that year, a town about 30
minutes away, and traveled back and forth every day. The Lord provided me with good friends in
Nebaj and it helped me as I transitioned to the new culture. I fell in love with Cotzal and with the
children at HOREB where I worked. I was
fired up with a tremendous passion and was sad when those three months came to
a close. The children showered me with
gifts, I felt so loved and a part of the community. I cried on my last day there, I had found new
friends from a culture so drastically different from my own.
In my second mission experience, I had committed to seven months
and was excited about the new experience of living in Cotzal. I, and a friend who was teaching at a school
in a nearby village, found a place in the center of town. I was there only a few weeks before I had to
return for my dad’s open heart surgery.
That journey back would change my life forever. I met my fiancée on the plane. We talked for three hours like we knew each
other for years, sharing about our lives and our faith. Immediately after returning, she picked me up
from the airport. Throughout my time in
Cotzal, we would talk on the phone or Skype every night before bed. We studied the Bible together and went so
deep in our discussions. If it wasn’t
for her, I know that I would have felt so lonely those seven months.
The Cotzal of my first experience was a romanticized version,
the honeymoon period if you will. I felt
like the man in Avatar, discovering an indigenous civilization as they taught
me their ways. The Cotzal of my second
experience was more based on reality.
While I felt like I developed authentic friendships with members of the
community, there was no denying it, I was different and the people saw me as
different. There are so many needs in
this community and people saw me as their hope for a better life. I wanted to fit in and be one of them but because
of my privileged background, the color of my skin, and my physical stature, developing
true peer friendships felt nearly impossible.
Almost everybody wanted something from me. However, there were some in the community
that showed me true Christian love, and I will forever be thankful. In the end though, I had to grow up. I had to learn how to say no. I had to learn that I could not please
everybody and that was okay. I struggled
with my faith at times as loneliness set in.
The best part of those seven months though, is I went deeper. I became more of a leader at HOREB. I got to know the families of the children
and shared in some very hard experiences with them. I went into homes and prayed. The honeymoon period was over, but in its
place true lasting relationships began to form.
Maybe I would never be able to make a best friend here, but I could
develop real relationships with solid spiritual ground.
The other difference in my second mission trip were the service
teams that came down from WIND. With my
knowledge of the community, I became a guide for those teams, and helped
facilitate service projects. I was able
to be the cultural intermediary. At the
very end of my time, I realized that that was the most important role I
served. Because of my time living with
the Ixil people, and growing up of course in the U.S., I was beginning to understand
both worldviews. I could translate not
only between English and Spanish, but the U.S. worldview to my growing
understanding of the Ixil worldview. I
was definitely not one of them, but that was okay. It made me specially equipped to serve a very
unique role in the community.
That all brings me back to here, today. My time here is beginning and I know it will
be very different from my last trip. I
am now a very popular figure in Cotzal and everybody feels like they know
me. I decided to live in this quiet
place at the edge of town to remove myself a little from the community. I want to have more quiet time to reflect and
write. I want to be more purposeful in
my interactions in the community without being blown back and forth between
others peoples wants. I want to be
sensitive to where I feel led by God. It
is also a time in which God is preparing me to be a husband and a father. Times are definitely changing. Was it really only two years ago that God
brought me here? Lord, what now?
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