How have I grown?

I sit here in transition mode.  This is only my second full day back at my apartment and I begin coaching tomorrow.  It feels completely normal and completely strange at the same time.  The world here is still exactly the same as when I left but I feel so different.  It feels like this place should have changed as much as I have the past three months.  I am a new person entering back into an old routine.  How does one do that?

I have spent my time thus far visiting with family: first on Lopez Island then in Yakima.  On my way back home, I stopped in Ellensburg to visit my cousin Ashley.  We had a brief visit and she got straight to the point.  Her first question she asked me is ¨What has been the biggest change in you after completing the trip?¨  It is hard to put into words.  I know the Lord has changed me and helped me grow through the experience but I can not exactly quantify what that is.  Words always feel so limiting in explaining soul issues. 

Growth happens whenever you go out of your comfort zone and choose to rely on God.  Instead of waking up and going through motions, I woke up and thanked the Lord for another day.  Whenever I felt a twinge of fear, I just put my life in His hands.  There were times walking down the dark streets of Nebaj, with drunks stumbling around, when I asked Him, ¨Lord, if you do not have any use for me, you can take me now but if You still have a use for me in this life, protect me.¨ As I prayed this prayer many times in my time there, I felt a sense of purpose each day that God gave me.  I was alive for a reason, a truth that was always there, but which I just began realizing. 

I was also taken aback by how much God provided for me while I was there.  First, there were the amazing supporters at home.  My goal was to raise $2,000 and $3,000 came in.  After only spending $1,500, I am pleased to say that the rest will go the school where I was working!  I came down to Guatemala really without much of a plan.  The Lord provided transportation to Nebaj through an Agros worker.  Then in Nebaj, He provided abundantly.  I don’t know what my trip would have looked like without Domingo, Kara, and Mark.  I met Domingo on my 2^nd day in Nebaj and he shared his ministries with me.  When he told me about the coffee shop ministry that he was planning, something sparked my interest.  As we went there and he was explaining the vision to me, I felt strongly the Holy Spirit leading me to stay there.  So they put a bed in a room in the corner and I was set.    

I shared much fellowship time with Domingo and Kara.  I ate at their house many, many times.  We played cards late into the night.  We had devotions together as they were preparing their coffee shop to open.  They opened their lives to me.  Mark was down for two months helping them out at the same time period that I was there.  We had several great conversations and went on a few adventures together.  They really helped keep me grounded and I know it was of the Lord’s doing.

In Cotzal, the people there were so hospitable and once again God provided abundantly.  Josue’s family went above and beyond.  I had lunch with their family most days of the week and spent the night at their house a few times.  It was known that I had an open invitation to their house.  I had lunch with Horeb Director Tabita nearly every Wednesday that I was there as well.

God provides and He knows your needs.  Sometimes it takes stepping out into the unknown and giving up control of your life to realize it.

The other thing that changed me was enmeshing myself into another culture.  I did not have a car, so I took the microbus everywhere, crammed in the van with 25 Guatemalans.  I ate inside people’s home, I taught at a school, and I walked among them.  I became good friends with a couple of the teachers at Horeb, which is astonishing considering our vast cultural differences.  On a surface level we do not have much in common, but on a soul level, God made us all and we are all His children.  This helps you realize just how vast and diversified God’s people are. 

My friends in Guatemala are constantly on my mind.  I pray for them and I know they pray for me too.  It is so exhilarating to feel part of His church on a global scale.  I think this journey helped me to realize just how vast and grand His church is.  It is one thing to know intellectually and another to know based on experience.  I am so excited to worship alongside all the nations in heaven.  There is something so amazing about having people so different from you worshiping and praying to the same never changing Lord.  How great and vast are His people!   

I have yet to mention all the children I taught.  I just love serving and offering my life for them.  They are a special group of kids.  On my last day, we stood in a circle, and one by one they came and brought gifts to me.  They were so appreciative and I was so humbled.  God used them to continue softening my heart.

Another thing I learned is that the life of a missionary is no different from the life of anybody else in the sense that people who serve as missionaries still stumble.  They still fall short.  They still have moments where they say or do the wrong thing and have to repent.  They are definitely not people to be idolized but people to be constantly praying for.  They are not more holy than anybody else.  As is seen throughout the Bible, God uses broken people.  It is God doing the work and if we let Him, He will use us.  We are the paintbrush in the hands of a skillful painter and the paintbrush has no right to boast.  Likewise, don’t praise the paintbrush for the wonderful work, praise the painter!

Anyway, I feel all this is only a glimpse into how I have changed, but that is all I have got right now. :)

Lesson 11: Less is More

 How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning!  How you are cut down to the ground, You who weakened the nations!  For you have said in your heart: “I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God; I will also sit on the mount of the congregation on the farthest sides of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High.”  Yet you shall be brought down to Sheol, to the lowest depths of the Earth. (Isaiah 14: 12-15)

The devil seeks to replace God.  He seeks to lift himself high.  It makes me reflect, in what ways am I like the devil?  In what ways do I try to lift myself higher?  Throughout history, as is recorded in the Bible, God constantly brings down those who delight in high things.  However, the poor and needy are God’s people.  A little later in the same chapter of Isaiah, it is written:

The Lord has founded Zion, and the poor of His people shall take refuge in it (Isaiah 14:32)

Over and over again in the Bible, the pattern becomes clear.  The Lord saves the poor and the needy and He brings down the rich and the prideful.

Those of high stature will be hewn down, and the haughty will be humbled. (Isaiah 10:33)

 Jesus says:

Blessed are you poor, for Yours is the kingdom of God.  Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be filled.  Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.  Blessed are you when men hate you, and when they exclude you, and revile you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of Man’s sake.  Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!  For indeed your reward is great in heaven, for in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.

But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation.  Woe to you who are full, for you shall hunger.  Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep.  Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for so did their fathers to the false prophets. (Luke 6: 20-26)

Does that mean it is wrong to be rich, wrong to be full?  There is a difference between using riches for yourself or using it to bless others.

In my favorite Psalm, David, a man after God’s own heart, tells of the attitude we should have with the Lord.  Keep in mind that David is extravagantly rich and not only powerful, but king of Israel at the time.  However, he did not strive for it, but the Lord blessed him with it.

Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty, Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with things too profound for me.  Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. (Psalm 131: 1-2)

Ultimately, it is our hearts that God is concerned about.  How can we stop striving for riches?  How can we stop striving for power?  How can we stop striving for greatness?  How can we cultivate an attitude like David’s and be content with lowliness and our complete dependence on God?

After the disciples argued about who was the greatest, Jesus says something very profound:

And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. (Mark 10:44)

In the Kingdom of God, the lowest are the greatest.  The poorest are the richest.  The needy are the most filled. 

Striving for riches is not the answer.  Striving to do great things for God is not the answer.  Striving to be the most holy is not the answer.  God does not need us to carry out His plan.  To think that somehow God’s plan hangs in the balance over our decisions is extremely egocentric.  I have been guilty of that, worrying about somehow disrupting His plan for my life.  God’s plan will come to pass with or without our help.  If he doesn’t use us, He will use somebody else or miraculously make it happen.

We need to stop striving for greatness and instead depend on God and surrender to His will.

A men.

   

A Night to Remember

I was in Cotzal to visit the Church of God, the church where most of the teachers and several students attend. I meet with fellow teacher and friend Mathias in the park before we head over to the church together. As we walk in and sit down, I recognize so many faces. Many students come up to me to say hello. I see many aquaintances that I have met on the streets. In a strange way, even though it is my first time at the church, it feels like home. Worship in evangelical Guatemalan churches are so much different than what I am used to in the United States, but I have grown more accustomed to it. People cry out to God. They are not afraid to be broken, to scream, you can hear their moans for the Lord. During prayers, everybody prays at once. Hundreds of voices lift up to the Lord, it is a humbling experience to be a part of. I pray silently to myself because this is the way I have prayed all my life.

A visiting preacher from Mexico gives the main message. He screams into the microphone, clearly passionate, but not sure if he understands he is hurting all or our eardrums. At the end of the service, they call a familiar name up to the front. It is one of the teachers and one of my good friends. People pray for her and this timid teacher accepts Christ in front of her huge congregation. While she has been going to the church for awhile and been walking in His ways, she has never "officially" accepted Christ in front of her church body until this moment. She is the only one from her Catholic family to do so. I am stunned and feel so much joy for her.

Afterward, Mathias and I walk to Josue's house as a huge thunderstorm rolled in. The storm feels like so many I have experienced in the midwest. The night air is warm and it makes me feel like a kid again. At Josue's house, I eat dinner with his family and we sing songs as the storm comes through, the rain pounding loudly on the tin roof.

At 9:00, I return to the church with Mathias and stay there until 12:30 at night. We fight sleep, barely able to keep ourselves awake as we join the congregation in worshiping and praying to the Lord. We walk back mostly in silence and I slip into the house at 1 AM, walking quietly, lest I wake up that wonderful family of nine sleeping in the same bed.

I walk upstairs and curl up in my private bed. The night air has turned cold and there is only one blanket so I sleep in my sweatshirt. But I am greatful for the wonderful hospitality of this family. They have adopted me as one of their own, always sharing their food with me throughout my time here, providing a bed when I need it. They never ask for anything in return. I close my eyes feeling at peace and fall asleep instantaneously.

Lesson 10 - When Pain is Good

Today, my eye stung.  Thank the Lord, my eye stung.  The last few days my mind has been wandering and I have struggled to live in the moment and to serve in the here and now.  I knew intuitively that as my mind traveled to the future and struggled to grasp my purpose, I was moving out of the will of God.  He calls me into relationship with Him in the eternal now: walking in love.  There are no rituals I need to perform.  There are no things I need to accomplish.  In all things, trust Him, and love others.

This was far easier to do today because I was in pain.  My selfish mind did not have the luxury to worry about the future but instead was focused on the here and now, all thanks to a silly stinging eye.  It was a struggle today but my heart was more aligned with His will.  I did not wallow in not being 100% but focused my energies on teaching the children through my pain.  Honestly, I think this was my best day as a teacher so far at the school.  My eyes were watering and I struggled to focus my vision on anything, and through that God gave me the strength to teach my butt off.

I remember when I was playing intramural basketball in college.  One game I played through a mildly sprained foot.  Every step I took, I felt pain.  Through it, I played maybe my best intramural basketball game ever, which is probably not saying too much, but still.  My attention was so focused on my present pain,that it allowed me to be completely in the moment. 

As I went through my day, I was thinking of Paul’s teaching in being content with all things and being able to do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:11-13).   I was thankful for just having the energy and opportunity to teach those children.  For some reason, through pain, it was so much easier to have that attitude and not succumb as much to selfishness.  I think God can use pain for good if you let Him. What was so inspiring about the life of Paul was not just his amazing teachings but also the attitude he was able to cultivate through all His sufferings.  As a result, his words had far more weight to the early church.

He writes of his sufferings:

…In labors more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prison more frequently, in deaths often.  From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one.  Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; in journeys often, in perils of water, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness – besides the other things, what comes upon me daily: my deep concerns for all the churches. (2 Corinthians 11: 23-28)

If you think by following Jesus that the circumstances of your life will becomes easier, read that paragraph again.  If you think following Jesus will make your life more comfortable, read that paragraph again. 

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.(2 Corinthians 12: 9-10)

For I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. (Philippians 4:11)

If Paul can learn to be content through all his unimaginably painful trials, then we certainly can as well in whatever we face.  We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.  Are you with me?

Juan at the Tienda

Close by Café Mingo, the place I call my home, is a tiny tienda (store).  There are no big grocery stores here, but instead hundreds of tiny little tiendas.  The owner of the store is a big guy named Juan.  I frequent his store often to see how he is doing.  He is a professing Christian and attends church at the Church of God.  He worked in the United States for years, making around $8 per hour working 12 hour days in corn fields in Ohio.  As he talks to me, he reminisces about his time in the U.S.  That money goes a long way down here and his thoughts are always about returning back.  He has a family in Nebaj but his dream is to go to the United States and work.  There are many starry eyed people down here who think that the United States will solve all their problems.  In their minds, it is a paradise.  I ask him if he prays about whether God wants him to go back to the United States.  He looks confused, like the idea is a foreign concept.  He then talks again about working in the United States.  He wants help with a work visa, he says. 

While there are many professing Christians, few live Christ like lives.  Greed is prevalent.  People here think their lives will be better with more land, more money, more things.  They must find it funny that somebody living their dream in the United States would come down to Guatemala thinking life would be better and easier with LESS.  I wish they would see that contentment does not reside in things, but only in the blessings of God.  Never having experienced having more than enough, it is a hard concept for them to grasp.  Likewise, it is hard for me to grasp what it would be like to live with as little as they have on a daily basis.  Like so many of us, they focus on worldly things to bring them happiness.  Meanwhile, they go to Church like good Guatemalan Christians on Sundays.

While Guatemala is heavily evangelized, the root is very shallow.  In the United States, it seems the seed is sown among thorns and the worries and cares of the world choke it out.  In Guatemala, the seed seems more planted in shallow soil.  Lets pray for them to go deeper and seek after God and not things.  

Around the Corner to Chajul

 The microbus dropped me off in Cotzal.  Here I was.  I have been using my Saturdays as exploration days.  I did not know where I was going to go today.  I decided to walk down a road near Cotzal to see where it went.  It ended on a main road that went toward Santa Avelina.  I had already been down that way so I found another road that veered off the other direction and I walked down that road instead.  I came to an intersection and I had no idea where I was.  I asked a guy that happened to be there and discovered I was at the main road that would take me to Cotzal in one direction or Chajul in the other direction.  I was right next to Cotzal and I had basically walked in a circle.  I asked if there were any villages on the way to Chajul, and he told me there was one about 15 minutes away.  That peeked my curiosity and I began walking toward Chajul.

Chajul in distance

It was all uphill at the start and I had probably been walking for 30 minutes at a brisk pace before spotting the village he was talking about: Batzmul.  Before walking down to explore the tiny village, I climbed up a boulder that happened to be at the top of the hill.  From there, the view was astounding.  I could see miles down the road Chajul way out in the distance.  I also spotted another little village before reaching Chajul.  I sat there for almost an hour.  I did not want to leave that spot.  Sometimes, when life is good, it’s hard to keep moving, but we have to continue down the road God has laid out for us.  So curiosity got the better of me and I continued down the road.  At this point I had decided to walk all the way to Chajul several miles more through the mountains, it was such a beautiful day!  I noticed a trail leading off the road before descending toward Batzmul.  I hiked up and up and up, only to discover somebody was raising Bees.  They swarmed everywhere and decided not to explore that trail any further.

Batzul

I walked into Batzmul.  It is always very awkward walking into these tiny villages as a Gringo.  It seems one appearance of a Gringo is the talk of these towns for a week.  Some hide in their houses.  Kids will yell “gringo, gringo!”  I explored a tiny bit and talked a little with a few of the people and then I was on my way.

As I walked farther down the road away from Batzmul, I noticed many locals walking the other direction.  I then came across a park where a church service had ended.  They were packing up and heading home.  I talked with one of the young men there and got the story.  The Church of God from Batzmul and the Church of God from Vitzuchuj, the other tiny village a mile or two further along the road, meet for some services as one church body in the park.  I thought that was absolutely beautiful.

Vitzuchuj

I then walked up and up and up, to that tiny village with an incredible view, Vitzuchuj.  What an amazing place to live!  The people in this village were so nice and welcoming.  At the tienda, when I told them I was from the United States, one girl screamed and ran out of the store.  Apparently she is afraid of the U.S. because it’s so far away.  There are 35 families in this village.  At the main part of town is a school, a tienda, and a church.

In Chajul

After my half hour visit, I continued on my way, the last leg of my journey to Chajul.  It was only about another thirty minutes of walking before I came to the outskirts of Chajul.  I continued up and up (it seems all walking here is up for some reason) until I was in the main part of Chajul.  I had done it.  A sense of accomplishment radiated through me.  I had only wanted to see what was a little further down a road in Cotzal and I ended up walking clear to Chajul! 

“It’s a dangerous business, Jordo, going out your door, you step out onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you’ll get swept off to.” – Bilbo Baggins  

:)

Two Days - Down and back up

Yesterday, I was defeated.  I missed my family, I missed my friends, I missed my culture.  I was caught up in a sorrowful fog.  I have trouble communicating these things with my fellow teachers.  Communicating in Spanish feels like so much work sometimes, where could I begin to describe how I was feeling?  They do not understand the culture where I come from and how difficult it can be some days adjusting to this one.  I felt I had nobody to rely on and honestly during the day I kind of just wanted to go back to Nebaj and cry.  I had hit a low point.  But God works through our low points.  

The oddest thing began to snap me out of it, I passed by a drunk woman that was passed out on the sidewalk.  Everybody walked around her and nobody stopped for her.  People here are used to seeing drunk people passed out on busy sidewalks.   I was one of those people walking by, I just wanted to go home, close the door, and feel sorry for myself.  Some missionary I was huh?  So I did and then I prayed.  Suddenly I knew I had to go back out to where the drunk woman was laying.  I walked over and sat next to her on the busy sidewalk.  I nudged her a few times to see if she would wake up.  She didn’t.  I then stood up and went on my way with the intention of checking on her later.  Even though the passed out drunk woman will never know I checked on her, it felt freeing, and I felt I was walking in Him again.  It was not a comfortable thing to do, as people pointed and laughed at me for stopping.  But I knew it was the right thing to do, we are all His children no matter how low we get.  

After that, I bought a basketball for the school and bought a couple of English-Spanish dictionaries to give to people.  As I focused on others and not on myself, my mood began to change.  When I got back, I called my mom.  It was so encouraging to talk with her and after that, I felt like myself again.

Today was completely different.  It is hard to explain this, but today, the cultural barriers did not seem like barriers.  Yes, I am different from them, with a much different background than they could ever imagine.  Yes, I will never know what it is like to grow up and know only the Ixil culture.  However, none of that seemed to matter today.  We are all unique and all were given our particular races to run.  At heart though, we are all brothers and sisters and love binds even the most different of us together.  

Today, schools from the Cotzal area came to some fields outside of town for a Soccer tournament.  It lasted four hours and it was kind of boring.  There was a lot of waiting and both games ended in 0-0 scores before the penalty kicks.  But I loved every minute of it.  I didn’t mind the boredom, I just loved supporting those kids.  I loved when they huddled around me and sang English songs.  I loved when they gave me high fives.  I loved when they came over to stand by me.   Cultural barriers did not matter, love ruled the day. 

 A little later in the day, I had a wonderful Bible study with one of the teachers in the park.  Communication was difficult but it did not seem to matter too much, not on this victorious day!  As we were studying, children came over (a frequent occurrence) and I asked them if they had read the Bible.  They said no and asked me what was in it with a child like curiosity.  They attended the Catholic church but had no idea what the Bible says about Jesus.   Very few people here read the Bible for themselves.  How wonderful it would be if the majority of the people in this supposedly Christian village read the Bible!  That is a good dream.  

Lord, thank you for answering my prayer and helping me to connect.  Even in the most difficult days, love conquers all.  Lord, when my focus turns inward again, remind me what I need to do.  Loving others is loving You.  Lord, I pray for the community of Cotzal, lead them in the way they should go.  Knock on the doors of their hearts and reveal Your truth to them.  Inspire them to read Your Word for themselves  and unite them in Your name.  A men.