How have I grown?

I sit here in transition mode.  This is only my second full day back at my apartment and I begin coaching tomorrow.  It feels completely normal and completely strange at the same time.  The world here is still exactly the same as when I left but I feel so different.  It feels like this place should have changed as much as I have the past three months.  I am a new person entering back into an old routine.  How does one do that?

I have spent my time thus far visiting with family: first on Lopez Island then in Yakima.  On my way back home, I stopped in Ellensburg to visit my cousin Ashley.  We had a brief visit and she got straight to the point.  Her first question she asked me is ¨What has been the biggest change in you after completing the trip?¨  It is hard to put into words.  I know the Lord has changed me and helped me grow through the experience but I can not exactly quantify what that is.  Words always feel so limiting in explaining soul issues. 

Growth happens whenever you go out of your comfort zone and choose to rely on God.  Instead of waking up and going through motions, I woke up and thanked the Lord for another day.  Whenever I felt a twinge of fear, I just put my life in His hands.  There were times walking down the dark streets of Nebaj, with drunks stumbling around, when I asked Him, ¨Lord, if you do not have any use for me, you can take me now but if You still have a use for me in this life, protect me.¨ As I prayed this prayer many times in my time there, I felt a sense of purpose each day that God gave me.  I was alive for a reason, a truth that was always there, but which I just began realizing. 

I was also taken aback by how much God provided for me while I was there.  First, there were the amazing supporters at home.  My goal was to raise $2,000 and $3,000 came in.  After only spending $1,500, I am pleased to say that the rest will go the school where I was working!  I came down to Guatemala really without much of a plan.  The Lord provided transportation to Nebaj through an Agros worker.  Then in Nebaj, He provided abundantly.  I don’t know what my trip would have looked like without Domingo, Kara, and Mark.  I met Domingo on my 2^nd day in Nebaj and he shared his ministries with me.  When he told me about the coffee shop ministry that he was planning, something sparked my interest.  As we went there and he was explaining the vision to me, I felt strongly the Holy Spirit leading me to stay there.  So they put a bed in a room in the corner and I was set.    

I shared much fellowship time with Domingo and Kara.  I ate at their house many, many times.  We played cards late into the night.  We had devotions together as they were preparing their coffee shop to open.  They opened their lives to me.  Mark was down for two months helping them out at the same time period that I was there.  We had several great conversations and went on a few adventures together.  They really helped keep me grounded and I know it was of the Lord’s doing.

In Cotzal, the people there were so hospitable and once again God provided abundantly.  Josue’s family went above and beyond.  I had lunch with their family most days of the week and spent the night at their house a few times.  It was known that I had an open invitation to their house.  I had lunch with Horeb Director Tabita nearly every Wednesday that I was there as well.

God provides and He knows your needs.  Sometimes it takes stepping out into the unknown and giving up control of your life to realize it.

The other thing that changed me was enmeshing myself into another culture.  I did not have a car, so I took the microbus everywhere, crammed in the van with 25 Guatemalans.  I ate inside people’s home, I taught at a school, and I walked among them.  I became good friends with a couple of the teachers at Horeb, which is astonishing considering our vast cultural differences.  On a surface level we do not have much in common, but on a soul level, God made us all and we are all His children.  This helps you realize just how vast and diversified God’s people are. 

My friends in Guatemala are constantly on my mind.  I pray for them and I know they pray for me too.  It is so exhilarating to feel part of His church on a global scale.  I think this journey helped me to realize just how vast and grand His church is.  It is one thing to know intellectually and another to know based on experience.  I am so excited to worship alongside all the nations in heaven.  There is something so amazing about having people so different from you worshiping and praying to the same never changing Lord.  How great and vast are His people!   

I have yet to mention all the children I taught.  I just love serving and offering my life for them.  They are a special group of kids.  On my last day, we stood in a circle, and one by one they came and brought gifts to me.  They were so appreciative and I was so humbled.  God used them to continue softening my heart.

Another thing I learned is that the life of a missionary is no different from the life of anybody else in the sense that people who serve as missionaries still stumble.  They still fall short.  They still have moments where they say or do the wrong thing and have to repent.  They are definitely not people to be idolized but people to be constantly praying for.  They are not more holy than anybody else.  As is seen throughout the Bible, God uses broken people.  It is God doing the work and if we let Him, He will use us.  We are the paintbrush in the hands of a skillful painter and the paintbrush has no right to boast.  Likewise, don’t praise the paintbrush for the wonderful work, praise the painter!

Anyway, I feel all this is only a glimpse into how I have changed, but that is all I have got right now. :)

Lesson 11: Less is More

 How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning!  How you are cut down to the ground, You who weakened the nations!  For you have said in your heart: “I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God; I will also sit on the mount of the congregation on the farthest sides of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High.”  Yet you shall be brought down to Sheol, to the lowest depths of the Earth. (Isaiah 14: 12-15)

The devil seeks to replace God.  He seeks to lift himself high.  It makes me reflect, in what ways am I like the devil?  In what ways do I try to lift myself higher?  Throughout history, as is recorded in the Bible, God constantly brings down those who delight in high things.  However, the poor and needy are God’s people.  A little later in the same chapter of Isaiah, it is written:

The Lord has founded Zion, and the poor of His people shall take refuge in it (Isaiah 14:32)

Over and over again in the Bible, the pattern becomes clear.  The Lord saves the poor and the needy and He brings down the rich and the prideful.

Those of high stature will be hewn down, and the haughty will be humbled. (Isaiah 10:33)

 Jesus says:

Blessed are you poor, for Yours is the kingdom of God.  Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be filled.  Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.  Blessed are you when men hate you, and when they exclude you, and revile you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of Man’s sake.  Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!  For indeed your reward is great in heaven, for in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.

But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation.  Woe to you who are full, for you shall hunger.  Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep.  Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for so did their fathers to the false prophets. (Luke 6: 20-26)

Does that mean it is wrong to be rich, wrong to be full?  There is a difference between using riches for yourself or using it to bless others.

In my favorite Psalm, David, a man after God’s own heart, tells of the attitude we should have with the Lord.  Keep in mind that David is extravagantly rich and not only powerful, but king of Israel at the time.  However, he did not strive for it, but the Lord blessed him with it.

Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty, Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with things too profound for me.  Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. (Psalm 131: 1-2)

Ultimately, it is our hearts that God is concerned about.  How can we stop striving for riches?  How can we stop striving for power?  How can we stop striving for greatness?  How can we cultivate an attitude like David’s and be content with lowliness and our complete dependence on God?

After the disciples argued about who was the greatest, Jesus says something very profound:

And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. (Mark 10:44)

In the Kingdom of God, the lowest are the greatest.  The poorest are the richest.  The needy are the most filled. 

Striving for riches is not the answer.  Striving to do great things for God is not the answer.  Striving to be the most holy is not the answer.  God does not need us to carry out His plan.  To think that somehow God’s plan hangs in the balance over our decisions is extremely egocentric.  I have been guilty of that, worrying about somehow disrupting His plan for my life.  God’s plan will come to pass with or without our help.  If he doesn’t use us, He will use somebody else or miraculously make it happen.

We need to stop striving for greatness and instead depend on God and surrender to His will.

A men.

   

A Night to Remember

I was in Cotzal to visit the Church of God, the church where most of the teachers and several students attend. I meet with fellow teacher and friend Mathias in the park before we head over to the church together. As we walk in and sit down, I recognize so many faces. Many students come up to me to say hello. I see many aquaintances that I have met on the streets. In a strange way, even though it is my first time at the church, it feels like home. Worship in evangelical Guatemalan churches are so much different than what I am used to in the United States, but I have grown more accustomed to it. People cry out to God. They are not afraid to be broken, to scream, you can hear their moans for the Lord. During prayers, everybody prays at once. Hundreds of voices lift up to the Lord, it is a humbling experience to be a part of. I pray silently to myself because this is the way I have prayed all my life.

A visiting preacher from Mexico gives the main message. He screams into the microphone, clearly passionate, but not sure if he understands he is hurting all or our eardrums. At the end of the service, they call a familiar name up to the front. It is one of the teachers and one of my good friends. People pray for her and this timid teacher accepts Christ in front of her huge congregation. While she has been going to the church for awhile and been walking in His ways, she has never "officially" accepted Christ in front of her church body until this moment. She is the only one from her Catholic family to do so. I am stunned and feel so much joy for her.

Afterward, Mathias and I walk to Josue's house as a huge thunderstorm rolled in. The storm feels like so many I have experienced in the midwest. The night air is warm and it makes me feel like a kid again. At Josue's house, I eat dinner with his family and we sing songs as the storm comes through, the rain pounding loudly on the tin roof.

At 9:00, I return to the church with Mathias and stay there until 12:30 at night. We fight sleep, barely able to keep ourselves awake as we join the congregation in worshiping and praying to the Lord. We walk back mostly in silence and I slip into the house at 1 AM, walking quietly, lest I wake up that wonderful family of nine sleeping in the same bed.

I walk upstairs and curl up in my private bed. The night air has turned cold and there is only one blanket so I sleep in my sweatshirt. But I am greatful for the wonderful hospitality of this family. They have adopted me as one of their own, always sharing their food with me throughout my time here, providing a bed when I need it. They never ask for anything in return. I close my eyes feeling at peace and fall asleep instantaneously.