Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Writings

Update in Guatemala Preparation

I am currently sitting up on Lopez Island, and time has slowed down again.  After getting back from Kauai, I jumped back into fundraising.  I swam all 10,000 yards during our annual 100x100 we put on for masters swimmers, this year my friend Kate insisted that the money raised go to support my Guatemala living expenses.  The next day she organized a bake sale at my church, where we sold a bunch of goodies.  That weekend we raised $300.  I am so thankful for supportive friends.  The next week I prepared for a presentation I gave to a rotary club as well as Christmas shopping.  I went to Yakima for a Christmas party, helped the Action International office as they put new carpeting into their office, had Christmas with the family, coached, gave private lessons, and finally came up here to Lopez.

There has been a big change in my plans for the trip to Guatemala.  My dad will be having open heart surgery to replace his bicuspid valve because of an aneurysm that has formed.  That will happen on February 7th.  I know he would appreciate prayer for that.  I have bought a ticket to arrive January 13th and to return February 5th to be there for my family during that time.  I will leave again sometime in mid to late February with an open ended return date but likely returning mid to late July.  The mission and objectives for my trip have not changed, just the dates.  You can read about those on my support letter.

I was able to use a voucher for my airplane ticket for the first leg of the journey.  As it stands, we have raised $720.  This should easily cover the first leg of my trip from January 13th to February 5th as well as contribute a little bit to my living expenses upon my return.  The total estimated cost of my living expenses in Guatemala through the end of July will be about $2,400 ($400/mo.).  

My main goals during my initial 3 week stint will be to set up my living situation, prepare a plan with Tabita for my teaching at the school, get documentary footage of Tabita, and begin teaching.

Thanks everybody for your support.  It will not be too long now that I will be back serving in Guatemala.  I will try to update consistently to keep everybody connected to what is happening.


Kauai Part 3: End and Reflections

I have yet to get a chance to finish my blogging about Kauai as life got busy around the Christmas season.  It seems so long ago already...

My last full day was a social day.  I got an invite from two friendly women I met on the trail, Adrienne and Leslie, for brunch.  I loved hanging out with them in the morning and it felt like I was hanging out with good friends.  Then we all took a bus to Lihue where they rented a car and I checked into my hotel for my last night.  Later that day I went for a walk to the beach and a kind gentleman picked me up.  I got into a conversation with him and ended up going to a shopping center instead, talking a couple hours over Starbucks coffee.  That conversation felt like a divine appointment as I felt like I was talking with him at a pivotal time in his life.  The next morning I walked to the airport and flew back.

I honestly still don't know why I went to Kauai this December.  It was an awakening experience for my soul.  I had forgotten what it felt like to live each day with little expectation.  I did not know what the next day would bring.  Who would I meet?  What would I do?  Where would I go?  I lived moment by moment rather than living steps ahead in my head.  I had so many unique moments, like talking and playing frisbee late at night with a stranger from Kodiak, or sitting on the beach at night watching a storm roll in in the distance, or walking with a couple from Brazil through the beautiful Kalalau valley.  I wish I could live more like that in day to day life: no schedules, just following the path ahead of me, and stopping to meet some people along the way.

I also felt God teaching me that no matter how tired or weary I get (like I did along the trail), God will give me the strength I need.  I have enough for each day and each moment.  I should not try to conquer tomorrow with today's strength.  I also discovered a bit of God's creation: the fruit trees, the waterfalls, and the epic landscape of the Na Pali Coast.  It was a random trip that reminded me of my place in God's creation.  I thank the Lord for the opportunity to travel and have a little vacation away from home before beginning my mission work in Guatemala.  My next post will detail where I am in preparation for the work to be done.



Kauai Part 2: The Kalalau Trail



 I woke up early, excitedly packed up camp, and began walking.  It was about a mile from the Haena Campground to the trailhead for the Kalalau trail.  It breezed by, I had a long day ahead.  I hiked the trail four years ago and I knew what was to come.  One of the scariest moments I ever had hiking happened on this trail.  Seven miles in, the trail skirts a cliff high over the ocean waves.  On that day, it had rained very hard and the cliff became one giant mudslide.  My boots had been caked in mud and every step I took, I felt like I was sliding off the cliff.  I had no traction and nothing to hold on to.  I have forgotten a lot of my adventures hiking, but I remember the moments clearly when I felt in very real danger, this one was like a snapshot in time, and a moment that was very much in my memory bank as I began the trail.

The Kalalau trail is an 11 mile trail that meanders along the Napali Coast, and begins and ends at sea level.  That sounds easy enough but there is a reason the road ends where the trail begins.  The trail travels up, down, and around a series of seemingly unending ridges.  The workout your legs get during the 11 mile one way hike feels equivalent to doing a 11 mile round trip mountain hike that climbs 4000 to 5000 feet.  The difference is, instead of cold mountain air that cools you off, you are walking through almost 100% humidity in 80 degree weather.  It is not possible to take a step without sweating.  That all still would not be that bad, but then I also had a 35 pound pack to deal with.  The pack for me was by far the hardest part of the hike and I was upset with myself for packing in needless things that I knew I wouldn't use.  For anybody that is reading this that may do the hike in the future, do not bother packing in a fleece jacket, a sleeping bag (a liner is sufficient), or more than two changes of clothes.


All that being said, I have been blessed to see so much of God's creation through all the Americas, and there might not be a more beautiful place than this.  The lush green forests and jagged green ridges, the ocean stretching out as far as the eye can see, the waterfalls cascading down cliffs, the fruit trees.  The Na Pali Coast is an absolute paradise.

I attacked the first part of the trail. I was full of energy and was eager to finish the hike quickly so I could take my pack off and relax on the beach. The weather was nice and I was hoping to get past the more dangerous parts of the hike while it was dry. I passed several people along the way but never stopped to talk for too long because I was eager to get that pack off! Around mile 7 or 8 I was ready to be done or throw my pack off a cliff. It is amazing how no matter how exhausted you are, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, eventually you go a long ways. I was extremely happy to get to Kalalau beach where other backpackers welcomed me with open arms. I set up camp and just spent the rest of the daylight hours relaxing. The beach is breathtaking. There is a waterfall on the beach that spurts out drinkable water. The combination of the green mountains and ocean surrounding you just engulfs your senses. The beach is not filled with your typical tourists, people have to earn their way here through a strenuous hike with exposure. My kind of people. I read a little bit and watched a killer sunset on the beach before settling in for the night, finishing my fourth day on Kauai.

The fifth day was all about exploring. I got up in the morning without a plan, went to the beach, and did a Bible study. I was sore from the hike in and I figured I would probably be a beach bum for the day. I couldn't help myself though, I had to explore and see what else Kalalau had to offer. It was another beautiful day and I felt extremely blessed. I walked back up the trail and explored a green outcropping that rose over the giant ocean waves. I walked along the cliff and eventually hiked into a hidden beach. After spending much time reading and praying in this area, I walked back and explored the valley.


 The valley trail was filled with ancient rock terraces not unlike what I've seen traveling through the land of the Incas. The forest has reclaimed it's territory but at one point there was a civilization living there, understandably, since it's a paradise. I passed some places where people were living illegally. There is a small group of people here that have spent years living in this wilderness. They survive by fishing and eating fruit that grows naturally. As I walked up the trail I was greeting by a man walking naked with two women I had met along the trail. People walking around naked is not something I am used to and it was always shocking for me to see, but it happened frequently! It is part of the culture of the valley. They warned me of the big pool coming up. I was not disappointed. There was a river stream which pooled up into natural pools of water. I got in and swam a little before a couple from Seattle came upon me (I would later see them on the airplane home, with the women sporting a brand new engagement ring!). I walked with them a little past the big pool where we came across a big orange tree. Another guy from Seattle was serving as their guide for the moment and he climbed the tree and shook a bunch off to carry back. There is nothing like eating fresh oranges straight from the tree! I explored further up the trail before heading back to beat the darkness approaching. On the way back I got to talking with a couple from Brazil that was spending 1000 days road tripping across the entirety of America. We swapped some stories as we walked back, my kind of people. That night, I was sitting on the beach as the stars came out and felt God leading me to talk to the guy sitting behind me. So that night, I spent an hour sitting under the stars getting to know a man from Kodiak, Alaska.

On the morning of my sixth day, after relaxing on the beach and spending time in the Word, I decided to pack up and hit the the trail. I got a late start and was planning to spend the night at a campground 6 miles in.  On the way out, I stopped at the green outcropping, breathing in the beauty, and waiting on the Lord. It was one of those indescribable moments with God that you can't put into words but it was incredibly refreshing for my soul. After about 20 minutes, I began hiking up and out of the Kalalau valley. Amazingly, it still had not rained and I passed the harrowing parts once again while it was dry. I was happy not to repeat the experience I had 4 years earlier. I felt good and my legs felt strong so I passed the campground at 6 mile and continued my walk to the 2 mile campground at Hanakeipei. I found the perfect campsite, set up camp, and had just started relaxing when Adrienne and Leslie arrived at the campground behind me. I knew they were coming because I passed them along the trail earlier.


I had met them around that same spot on the hike in and ran into them several times over the course of those couple days. One thing I loved about traveling through South America was running into the same people over and over again. Even on a scale that big, people tended to travel in the same tourist path and we would run into the same people again in different cities or even different countries. Eventually we would end up traveling with a group of people for periods of time. One of my best traveling buddies, Fabrice, I traveled with off and on for 6 months from the tip of South America to Lima, Peru.

The Kalalau trail is obviously a much smaller scale, but it is nice to know you are really never traveling through life alone. There are always people walking in the same direction as you. We all ate dinner together and I stayed up and sat under the stars for a while. There was a thunderstorm rolling in and I prayed it wouldn't come near our campground. As I watched it travel over the ocean expanse, it veered north. It would be another night without rain, thank the Lord.

On day 7, I hiked to a waterfall in the morning. I was the first one on the trail and I enjoyed my morning walk immensely. I washed in massive olympic-sized pool of water the waterfall created, hiked back to the campground, packed up, and hiked out. Along the trail I passed somebody I recognized from Kalalau and asked if I could get a ride to Hanalei when we were done. Thankfully, he obliged. I was back in civilization. In Hanalei of course I ran into Adrienne and Leslie again briefly, before settling in to a well earned Iced Coco mocha at the local coffee shop. That tasted so wonderful. I took a bus to Anahola, and walked a mile to my camp spot. It was so windy on the beach that I put a giant log in my tent to keep it from blowing away! My time on Kauai was nearing an end.
















Kauai Part 1: Somewhere over the Pacific...

I was somewhere over the Pacific, sitting in the very back row of the airplane, stretched out over three seats, i pod in, and wondering what the heck I was doing.  My Guatemala mission trip I had been planning for many months was coming up right around the corner, but still my soul felt restless.  I knew I needed to get away for a little bit.  Being in one place for too long does that to me.  I had blocked out a week in my calendar for this very purpose.  There were many ideas rolling around in my head as to where I could go, but I knew I needed to save as much money as possible.  Road tripping was a possibility but after calculating how much gas would cost, that option was ruled out.  I thought of taking a train to Nashville and checking out the country music scene there.  I could even write a country song about it!  I found out taking a train to Nashville would cost more than twice as much as flying there, but flying to Nashville didn't sound as fun, so I discarded the idea.  I decided I wanted to get out in the wilderness instead but spending a week in the cold didn't sound appealing either.  I checked out flights to Hawaii and was surprised at how cheap they were.  I had been to Kauai four years ago and remembered how cheap it was to camp on that island and the stunningly beautiful Kalalau trail was calling me.  I booked the flight and a few days later I was off.

But now sitting on that airplane, it all felt like foolishness.  Was I being selfish in taking this week long trip by myself only one month before I was planning on leaving home for 6 months?  Was it selfish to ask people to support me on my mission trip while I was off camping and hiking in Hawaii?

I wrote in my journal:

Lord, a part of me doesn't want to leave.  As I get older, Your love has filled my life ever more and it's harder to do these sort of trips alone, it feels selfish.  But Lord, I pray that you'd bless this trip and teach me some things.  Lord, show me direction, prepare my heart.

After the plane arrived and I picked up my pack from baggage claim, I walked out into the humid Kauai weather.  Wanting to save money, I didn't bother renting a car but walked to the bus stop instead.  I paid my ridiculously cheap 50 cents and was off.  I took that bus to the end of the line, which was at a shopping center.  I was a little stressed out, being in a new place, needing to spend the night at a hotel somewhere with no car and with a full pack that was hurting my shoulders, and with darkness approaching.  Once again, I had the thoughts of "Why did I want to come here?"  Eventually, I decided to walk into Lihue on the main highway, and got the last room at a hotel there.  I walked to a Pizza Hut a mile away, walked back in the pouring rain, ate pizza, and crashed.  A powerful thunderstorm rolled in and I prayed that God would stop the rain while I was out camping.  That was my first day.

Day two was another stressful day of figuring out how to get my State park permits, my camping permits, and buying all the groceries I would need for the trail.  I also needed to buy camp fuel which if you don't know where to look is no easy task.  I bought the wrong fuel first at Wal Mart before figuring out the only fuel that would work with my stove was at Ace-Hardware, over a mile away.  I walked all over Lihue and it wasn't until 3:00 when I finally had everything I needed and arrived at a bus stop. Everybody I talked to was worried about me going on the trail after the storm the night before, the rivers would be high and there was potential for more flash floods. I set up camp in the remaining daylight at a beach called Anahola.  Stray dogs were trying to get inside my tent to get my food.  That was my second day.

It wasn't until my third day that I began to actually enjoy myself.  I had all the food I needed for at least 4 days, the sun came out a bit and I was optimistic that by the time I got on the trail, the rivers would be low and the conditions would be good.  I took a bus to Hanalei and enjoyed a coffee.  Hanalei is as far as the bus goes on the North Shore of Kauai, so I started walking on the road for six miles to the next campground.  My pack weighed me down a lot and I was eager to begin eating my way to a lighter load.  I only half heartedly tried to hitch hike because it was such a beautiful walk!  Finally after three miles or so, a women felt bad for me and picked me up.  I set up camp and explored a little bit before night fall.

There are many locals that live on the campgrounds in Kauai.  It is possible to live off the land here without money.  I believe the indigenous can even use the campgrounds for free.  So there is a camp culture that goes on.  Many are involved with drugs and I was asked several times if I had weed or wanted weed.  A boy was scamming me at one campground and I later talked to another guy who lived there who said that that boys brother committed suicide.  It's sad to see this kind of culture springing out in a land with such natural abundance.

The island of Kauai, and the Napali coast in particular, is so stunningly beautiful.  God really overdid it when He made this place.

 On day 4, I traveled into the wilderness.  On my next post, I will write about my time on the Kalalau trail!  

   

Why I Believe in the Existence of God

Written a few years ago on my old blogging site:

I watch the branches sway and the leaves flutter. I can’t see the wind, but I know it’s there. I watch people laugh together, help each other, and love one another. I can’t see God, but I know He’s there.

To believe in anything requires faith. God will never be proved by science. Our human science can only measure what can be seen, heard, felt. The existence of God, like love, is something that can’t be objectively measured. Either you put faith that there is more to the world than you can directly observe, or you put your faith in the idea that what we can measure is all that exists. In the end, it all comes down to faith. I don’t write this to inspire debate about the existence of God. Any debates will ultimately go in a circle and arrive at the same conclusion. Either you believe in things you can’t see, or you don’t. This is my personal testimony as to why I believe in the existence of God.

I could start by talking of the majestic grandeur of the mountains, the exquisite beauty of sunsets, or the overwhelming vastness of the oceans. All the beauty in our world is evidence enough to have faith in a Creator. But then, there’s the human being. Where do I even begin? Our intelligence and ability to create is extraordinary. As I sit here and type this, I know with one click of a button that this article will be available to be read BY THE WHOLE WORLD! That just blows my mind. Another thing that blows my mind: Skype. I mean, you do realize that we can see and talk instantaneously with somebody living on the other side of the planet, right? That is AMAZING. I just can’t believe that our incredible intelligence that gives us the ability to create all these amazing things happened by some cosmic accident.

All of that doesn’t even compare to our capacity to love. If there were no purpose, no meaning, no God, then why love? Why do people sacrifice their lives for others? If our lives just happened by randomness, why would you even care if you saw someone suffering in the streets? I believe the evolutionist would argue that back in the day when we were half-apes, we developed this because community was essential to our physical survival. Once again, it comes down to where you put your faith. You can believe that we love because a loving God created us, or you can believe it evolved to be there. Or you can be like some people and believe love doesn’t exist at all. For me, I’ll take the former. 

These things don’t even begin to scratch the surface of the wonder of our creation. One day, I was sitting at Starbucks, pen in hand, ready to write something. I prayed and as I wrote, out came a torrent of questions:

Who is it that causes the thoughts to flow to your hand? To write words that flow together and make sense? A bunch of scribbles on a page form a pattern. Why does it have meaning? Why is music beautiful? How does a bunch of loud noises come together to form a pattern that inspires?

If we were created from chaos, then why is there so much order? If everything is random, why is it that we long for meaning? If it’s all about survival of the fittest, why do we love art? Why do we find things beautiful at all? We could get all intellectual and start tramping out all these scientific theories and studies to attempt to answer these questions. But we would be ignoring the simplest explanation: that we were created this way.

While taking a walk today, I noticed all the trees. I thought it crazy that these tall strong trees started from a tiny seed. That is a miracle. A seed is planted, a little bit of water falls from the sky, the sun shines a little bit, time passes, and abra cadabra, TREE!! What!? Our life-filled world is absolutely miraculous.

I don’t know much about the science of trees. I think they grow by some sort of cell division process. But what causes the cells to divide? If there’s a reason for that, then what causes the reason for the cells to divide? Then if there’s a reason for that, what causes the reason for the reason for the cells to divide. Down that rabbit hole we go until there is a “we don’t know yet.” Then if they find the answer to that, then what causes that ? See! Miracle!

I think it’s funny that the more science studies the observable world, the more complicated it becomes. It seems that for every answer we find, there are hundreds of new questions. Science is great at finding answers but not THE answer. It keeps searching for “why/how does this happen?” but the answer to that always leads to another question. To think that in an invisible force might be at work in all this doesn’t take a huge leap of faith at all. In fact, it might be the only thing that makes logical sense.

So what caused the first thing? One of the ironclad rules in science is the law of cause and effect. Everything that happens was caused by something. As we go back in time to the creation of the universe, we arrive at a quandary. Either something randomly appeared from nothing (an impossibility), or there is something eternal that caused the first thing to happen. In other words, there has to be something unbound by time that exists.

I am purposefully writing this without using any biblical references. You don’t need a text to tell you God exists, you just need to take a look around. There are countless reasons to believe. Ultimately though, the reason I believe can’t be put into words. When my mind is quiet and all is still, everything becomes crystal clear.

I am in the silence. I am always present. I am in the place where there are no words. I am in the stillness. There you will find me. Quiet your heart. Quiet your mind. Quiet your soul. Only through the emptiness can I fill you up.

About Tabita

Tabita is the Director of HOREB, the school in Cotzal where I will be teaching.  At the close of my dad's latest trip to Guatemala he writes of her:

"Her rock solid resolve to change a community for Jesus Christ is unwavering. Her story is made for TV – growing up without during a savage civil war; daughter of a prominent evangelical pastor who was executed for his beliefs when she was but 15. Beating the odds and escaping the chains of war and oppression. Getting educated in a culture that inhibits opportunity for women. Faced with choices, she defied the norm and decided to return to Cotzal – for the children; to lead the charge to provide a way up through education."