Who are you?

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13)

I walk through this life unsure of where I am going.  Sometimes I even forget who I am.  That is when I shuffle my feet, hands in pocket, looking down.  I wonder why life is so long and what its purpose is.  But, then I hear a whisper into my soul, something stirs it.  I catch a glimpse. 

God made all of us unique with all of our unique gifts and with our unique souls.  How incredible that with seven billion people on the planet today and the hundreds of billions that have come before us and will come after us, that we are all unique.  We all have our own special mixture of talents, gifts, and personalities to offer.

But as the world gets more connected, we are losing ourselves in the process.  We begin to listen to the racket around us.  It is no longer just the noise in our day to day lives, but also the cacaphony of ideas on the internet.  The facebook posts, the tweets, the millions of opinions floating around of how people should live their lives (which maybe includes this blog).  But then we forget to ask God, why am I here?  What is the purpose?  Who am I?

Don’t let all this racket control your life.  Don’t let people be the judge of you.  You have only one Judge in heaven.  We must take time in our lives to strip everything away.  To disconnect.  To spend time alone with God and discover for ourselves the answer to that all important question.  Because the answer will give you direction to your life and light a fire into you.  It will light a fire because your soul will wake up and rejoice.  YES!  That is why I am here!  That is who I am!!!!!!  We may never find out what our futures hold, but we, by rediscovering our purpose, will come alive with new meaning. 

So let us stop going through the motions, living life the way others want us to live it.  But take the time to disconnect, with just you and the Creator of the universe, and rediscover your soul.  It’s still there somewhere, buried under all the worries and cares of this world.  

The Beautiful, Perilous Journey

My socks are soggy, my shoes muddy.  My body drips from the constant drizzle.  A fog has settled in the valley.  I trudge through the wet trail, one step at a time, while on my left the river runs a little faster than usual. The green mountains tower over me on each side.  I get a glimpse of something.  My soul feels a tingling ever so slightly.

I imagine life as a one way trip through the valley.  If I one week earlier had fallen face first in the mud, it would mean nothing to me now.  I go onward.  I go forward.  There is no turning back.  I would have learned from my misstep and would no doubt walk more carefully as the ground under my feet got slippery.  Maybe I would have a flashback of that experience, but it would not paralyze me.   In the bottom of my heart I would know forward was the only option.  If I would have stood paralyzed with fear in the valley, or had refused to pick myself up from the mud, I would have wasted away.  My trip would have been over, my destination realized.  But if the mud is not to be our final destinations, we must pick ourselves up.  We must go onward.  We must go forward. 

As we go forward on our one way journey, the terrain constantly changes.  It is beautiful.  It is beautiful because we have never seen it before.  It is new.  It is exciting.  But it is also perilous.  What dangers wait around the next bend?  Am I ready for the challenge?  What if I slip in the mud again and don’t have the strength to stand up?  What if I can’t find water and I die of thirst?  And so, what a paradox it is that the most beautiful parts of our journey can seem to be the most perilous of all. 

I think of the one of the simplest Christian songs I have ever heard:

I have decided to follow Jesus.

No turning back.

I think our lives are a one way journey toward something.  If we have decided to follow Jesus, then we walk down that path with heaven as our final destination.  There will be many obstacles.  There will be much suffering.  There will be times we are so exhausted that we can barely take another step.  There will be times we fall face first in the mud.  But when the bad times happen, we leave them behind and do not give up.  We must keep going.

We look forward the path ahead, to where God is leading us.  It is filled with the beautiful, perilous unknown.  It is easy for some fear to take hold.  Maybe a part of us wants to turn around and return down the familiar path behind us.  But we place our trust in our God.  And as we press on, our souls sing: 

   

I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus

No turning back, no turning back.

Praying for our Children

After our Holy Week vacation, before starting the next unit, the teachers of HOREB met together for some Bible study and self-evaluation. We talked about David's prayer at the end of his life in 1 Chronicles 29:10-19. At the end we rested on verse 19:

Grant to Solomon my son a whole heart that he may keep your commandments, your testimonies, and your statutes, performing all, and that he may build the palace for which I have made provision.

Our director, Enma, told us to replace Solomon's name with one of our students that was on our heart. We wrote out the verse with that child's name. Wow, what a powerful prayer. Imagine if we prayed this prayer for all of our children.

Going Deeper

Spring is here.  We have turned the calendar to April and I feel like I have begun anew.  I spent my Semana Santa without internet.  I spent much time studying the Bible and praying, and I did a lot of walking.  At times I felt very bored but I ended the week with a renewed energy and a new direction.  I knew I was not simply here to teach English.

My week of reflection started out with an invitation to accompany one of the teachers and her two children on a visit with her mom.  I was honored by the invitation.  Her two children have become quite taken with me and whenever we walk, each slips their hand into mine.  We walked down a big hill into the valley where her mom lives.  During our visit the teacher recounted her story to me.  Her father was killed when she was only four years old, but she remembers her father and remembers the day he was taken from her.  He was a pastor of a big church in the area.  It was during the Guatemala civil war and pastors, who did not take a side in the war, were seen as a threat by both the army and the guerillas.  Being able to talk more with her on a deeper level was a true blessing and a great start to my week.

The week ended with another blessing.  On Easter Sunday, I left the house to go for a walk.  First I went to visit with Marvin, one of the teachers who had broken his leg, but he was not in his house.  Another teacher, Matias, lived close by, but he also wasn't home.  I decided to walk down the hill where one of families of Colegio HOREB lived.  I didn't really have a plan.  I have a special place in my heart for that family and I wanted to pay them a visit.  I had met with them only once before and it was outside the house.  I walked over and saw some of the children that I teach and started practicing with them in English and asking how their week was.  They have four children that currently attend the school and one that has graduated from the school.  They also have three more that are not old enough to attend.  So all together, there are eight children.  Their parents came out and invited me in to their home.

Inside there were two beds where the family slept.  It was their bedroom and their living room.  Miguel, the father, began to tell about himself.  He labors in the fields but doesn't have his own land.  He can't afford a home for his family and so they rent that tiny room from his mother in law.  He went to the United States to be able to provide for his family but was deported back after a week.  He would go again if he had the money to do so.  I tell him that the family may need money but they need him more.

Their family is beautiful.  I teach four of their children and they are all a little shy, but give the teachers respect and do well at school.  I look around at his children and look back at him.  In Luke 6:43 it says:

For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit.

I know that him and his wife are good trees and follow God, because I have seen and gotten to know their children.  I see a family with a strong faith, a family who God has blessed abundantly, despite their material poverty.  I think of Psalm 127:3-5

Behold children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.  Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.  Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!

Miguel obviously spends a lot of time worrying about providing for his family as anybody in his position would be.  I look around at his children one more time and share with him that I think he is a very rich man.  One of my favorite verses pops into my head and I ask if they have a Bible.  Several of their children pull out Bibles and I smile.  I have their eldest read a verse for the family.  Matthew 6: 25-34

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?  Any why are you anxious about clothing?  Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  Therefore do not be anxious, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'  For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.  But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

The whole family, all 10 of them, gathers together and we pray for God to provide work.  Miguel thanks me for my spiritual support.  I am puzzled at this because I never intended to give spiritual support when I arrived.  I was just sort of bored and felt like I wanted to visit with this family because I love teaching those children.  But God used that time and God gave me words.  I think sometimes my plans and agendas for situations get in the way of God using me.  I think I need to show up more and just let God use me whatever way He intends.

The meeting with that family fired me up.  I realized that God wants to use me in a much deeper way than I would ever plan for myself.  I am hoping to spend more time just showing up without agenda and seeing what God has for me. 

One Thousand Times

The City lies foursquare, its length the same as its width.  And he measured the city with his rod, 12,000 stadia.  Its length and width and height are equal (Revelation 21:16).

John is describing the New Jerusalem that will come down from heaven after Satan is defeated.  One stadion is about 607 feet.  So 12,000 Stadia comes out to about 1,380 miles long and wide.  That is one big city.  That New Jerusalem will be bigger than the state of Alaska.  What gets me though is that John is saying it is 1,380 miles HIGH as well.   Wait, what?  Exactly.  To get perspective, Mount Everest is just under 6 miles high.  Something that is 1,380 miles high is in outer space.  So what does this tell us?  That the new earth is going to be much, much bigger.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. (Revelation 21:1)

How big will the new earth be?  The Bible never tells us directly, but it does give us some hints.  A city that is 1,380 miles high is one hint.  Another lies at the very end of Ezekiel.  While in exile, God gives Ezekiel a vision of the new temple and the new city that should be constructed when they return. 

These shall be the exits of the city: On the north side, which is to be 4,500 cubits by measure, three gates, the gate of Reuben, the gate of Judah, and the gate of Levi, the gates of the city being named after the tribes of Israel.  On the east side, which is to be 4,500 cubits, three gates, the gate of Joseph, the gate of Benjamin, and the gate of Dan.  On the south side, which is to be 4,500 cubits by measure, three gates, the gate of Simeon, the gate of Issachar, and the gate of Zebulun.  On the west side, which is to be 4,500 cubits, three gates, the gate of Gad, the gate of Asher, and the gate of Naphtali.  The circumference of the city shall be 18,000 cubits.  And the name of the city from that time on shall be, The Lord is There. (Ezekiel 48:30-35)

So how does this help us determine the size of the new earth?  Bear with me, check out what John has to say about the New Jerusalem:

It had a great high wall, with twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels, and on the gates the names of the twelve tribes of the sons of Israel were inscribed – on the east three gates, on the north three gates, on the south three gates, and on the west three gates.  And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the twelve names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

The New Jerusalem has the same design as the city in Ezekiel’s vision, only on a much grander scale, with some very important changes.  One is that the names of the twelve apostles will be on the foundations of the city.  Another is that the Lord is in the city and gives light to the city.  In Ezekiel’s vision, the Temple is in the Holy district, which is a part from the city.  But in the New Jerusalem, God´s glory will dwell in the city and there will be no temple.  It will also be made out of pure gold, which is a lot of gold for a city that is bigger than Alaska.

Ezekiel’s new city is 4,500 cubits long and wide.  A cubit is 1.5 feet.  So the city in his vision was about 6,750 feet or around 1.3 miles long and wide.  The New Jerusalem then is roughly 1,000 times bigger than the city in Ezekiel’s vision.  That got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, the new earth will also be 1,000 times as big.  Maybe this Earth is like a miniature model of what is to come that is 1/1000^th the size.  A 1,380 mile high city in our miniature model Earth would be 6,750 feet, a breathable elevation.

  

It is important the New Jerusalem is 1,380 miles high, because it will provide light for the entire Earth.  There will be no sun and no night.  The light will emanate out from the New Jerusalem.

You are the light of the world.  A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. (Matthew 5:14)

As somebody that loves to walk and hike, I wonder what the trek will be like up to the New Jerusalem.  Climbing up 4,000 feet is a hard day of hiking but going UP 1,380 miles will be something else.  But we will have our heavenly bodies.  God will provide in every way.  There will be no danger.  Time will be nonexistent.   There will just joy and peace as we walk.  I imagine the view is incredible, maybe 1000 times more incredible than I have ever seen before. J