How have I grown?

I sit here in transition mode.  This is only my second full day back at my apartment and I begin coaching tomorrow.  It feels completely normal and completely strange at the same time.  The world here is still exactly the same as when I left but I feel so different.  It feels like this place should have changed as much as I have the past three months.  I am a new person entering back into an old routine.  How does one do that?

I have spent my time thus far visiting with family: first on Lopez Island then in Yakima.  On my way back home, I stopped in Ellensburg to visit my cousin Ashley.  We had a brief visit and she got straight to the point.  Her first question she asked me is ¨What has been the biggest change in you after completing the trip?¨  It is hard to put into words.  I know the Lord has changed me and helped me grow through the experience but I can not exactly quantify what that is.  Words always feel so limiting in explaining soul issues. 

Growth happens whenever you go out of your comfort zone and choose to rely on God.  Instead of waking up and going through motions, I woke up and thanked the Lord for another day.  Whenever I felt a twinge of fear, I just put my life in His hands.  There were times walking down the dark streets of Nebaj, with drunks stumbling around, when I asked Him, ¨Lord, if you do not have any use for me, you can take me now but if You still have a use for me in this life, protect me.¨ As I prayed this prayer many times in my time there, I felt a sense of purpose each day that God gave me.  I was alive for a reason, a truth that was always there, but which I just began realizing. 

I was also taken aback by how much God provided for me while I was there.  First, there were the amazing supporters at home.  My goal was to raise $2,000 and $3,000 came in.  After only spending $1,500, I am pleased to say that the rest will go the school where I was working!  I came down to Guatemala really without much of a plan.  The Lord provided transportation to Nebaj through an Agros worker.  Then in Nebaj, He provided abundantly.  I don’t know what my trip would have looked like without Domingo, Kara, and Mark.  I met Domingo on my 2^nd day in Nebaj and he shared his ministries with me.  When he told me about the coffee shop ministry that he was planning, something sparked my interest.  As we went there and he was explaining the vision to me, I felt strongly the Holy Spirit leading me to stay there.  So they put a bed in a room in the corner and I was set.    

I shared much fellowship time with Domingo and Kara.  I ate at their house many, many times.  We played cards late into the night.  We had devotions together as they were preparing their coffee shop to open.  They opened their lives to me.  Mark was down for two months helping them out at the same time period that I was there.  We had several great conversations and went on a few adventures together.  They really helped keep me grounded and I know it was of the Lord’s doing.

In Cotzal, the people there were so hospitable and once again God provided abundantly.  Josue’s family went above and beyond.  I had lunch with their family most days of the week and spent the night at their house a few times.  It was known that I had an open invitation to their house.  I had lunch with Horeb Director Tabita nearly every Wednesday that I was there as well.

God provides and He knows your needs.  Sometimes it takes stepping out into the unknown and giving up control of your life to realize it.

The other thing that changed me was enmeshing myself into another culture.  I did not have a car, so I took the microbus everywhere, crammed in the van with 25 Guatemalans.  I ate inside people’s home, I taught at a school, and I walked among them.  I became good friends with a couple of the teachers at Horeb, which is astonishing considering our vast cultural differences.  On a surface level we do not have much in common, but on a soul level, God made us all and we are all His children.  This helps you realize just how vast and diversified God’s people are. 

My friends in Guatemala are constantly on my mind.  I pray for them and I know they pray for me too.  It is so exhilarating to feel part of His church on a global scale.  I think this journey helped me to realize just how vast and grand His church is.  It is one thing to know intellectually and another to know based on experience.  I am so excited to worship alongside all the nations in heaven.  There is something so amazing about having people so different from you worshiping and praying to the same never changing Lord.  How great and vast are His people!   

I have yet to mention all the children I taught.  I just love serving and offering my life for them.  They are a special group of kids.  On my last day, we stood in a circle, and one by one they came and brought gifts to me.  They were so appreciative and I was so humbled.  God used them to continue softening my heart.

Another thing I learned is that the life of a missionary is no different from the life of anybody else in the sense that people who serve as missionaries still stumble.  They still fall short.  They still have moments where they say or do the wrong thing and have to repent.  They are definitely not people to be idolized but people to be constantly praying for.  They are not more holy than anybody else.  As is seen throughout the Bible, God uses broken people.  It is God doing the work and if we let Him, He will use us.  We are the paintbrush in the hands of a skillful painter and the paintbrush has no right to boast.  Likewise, don’t praise the paintbrush for the wonderful work, praise the painter!

Anyway, I feel all this is only a glimpse into how I have changed, but that is all I have got right now. :)